The Things People Steal Nowadays

1. Ring (off finger of invalid).

2. Girl Scout funds (from cookie sales).

3. Cows (killed by mob).

4. Mother's ashes (returned).

5. Mobile phone (caught by rugby team).

6. Mountain bike (stopped by owner).

7. Meat (beaten down by owner with a ham).

8. Ham (caught drunk in the parking lot).

9. Computer games (the silver lined bag doesn't help much when the employees see you do it).

10. Meat and perfume (it's good to diversify).

11. Church charity boxes.

12. Copper (to the tune of 8 years).

13. Purses (of women who would take his offer to carry them).

14. Lead (stopped after his foot went thru the roof).

15. Vodka (because he was having a bad day).

16. Art (if you pawn famous works of art you will be caught).

17. Trash cans (6 months in jail).

18. Wallet (given back when she chased him down).

19. iPod (can't just take one because yours is broken).

20. Police car (the Sydney police caught on because he was driving erratically).