Theft and Burglary

1) You may be able to sneak in using the air ducts, but you also need to be able to fit on the way out with your ill-gotten gains.

2) Sometimes when you jump into a river in an attempt to escape you don't make it out alive, but in England they send police dogs in to save you.

3) Of course, in England they also take dogs along during the burlary attempt.

4) Pistols top screwdrivers every day of the week.

5) Beware the Teddy Bear.

6) ATTENTION ALL LAWYERS: You cannot accept your client's stolen paintings as payment.

7) Dead neighbor? Cops everywhere? A perfect opportunity to purloin from a purse.

8) A five hour manhunt for copper thieves.

9) Stealing $7,000 worth of unmentionables from Victoria's Secret (somebody must be planning some big-time fun).

10) Laundering your theft through your own, or your parents', yard sale might prove problematic after a while.

11) Somebody went to the trouble of specializing a truck to steal manhole covers.

12) Don't give your bank deposit to the "guard."

13) Attempted hamster food theft.

14) Using a baby to hide a theft. People who do this need to spend a looooooooong time in prison.