Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of crime . . .

1) 'cuz nobody will lie if you ask them if they are healthy enough to drive.

2) If you are just now making a diving team to recover evidence dumped in rivers, because you have had years of informants telling you evidence has been dumped in rivers, won't there be 20 or 30 pistols when you dive to find the one dumped yesterday?

3) Guess what you have to do to disgust a pimp enough to turn you in.

4) Sheriff: Lower budget for me, less security for you.

5) Moonshine? In this day and age? Just a good 'ole boys . . .

6) Really? Really?1? The Secret Service is pining for the days when there were better counterfeiters?

BTW, a couple days ago I actually had somebody use one of those counterfeit checking pens on a $5 bill. A $5 bill. With the price of ink for printers it has got to be a money losing proposition to fake $5 bills.

7) Do not write you bank robbery note on the back of your paystub. It will not work out well for you.

8) And don't get in a domestic dispute when you have the stolen tires piled up in your home.